Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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