Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
