you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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