Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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