Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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