she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
