I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
