Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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