like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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