Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
