apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
