K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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