we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
