oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
