Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
