i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
