i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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