can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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