My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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