chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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