i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
