my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
