I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
