I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
