i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
