so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
