Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
