And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize