I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
