dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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