I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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