my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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