i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
