I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
