no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize