She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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