I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
