Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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