My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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