wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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