dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
