no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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