I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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