halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize