this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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