you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
