I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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