he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
