Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
