Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
