i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize