I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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