When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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