my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
