addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
