Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize