Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
