this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
