Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
