I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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