i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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