So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Every concussion has its silver lining
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
