It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize