Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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