I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
