I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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